How Ireland, Illness, and One Very Bad Paycheck Became My Wake-Up Call!

I just got back from a deep transformational workshop — a modern-day pilgrimage to Ireland, walking among ancient stone circles, breathing in wisdom older than memory. I thought this journey would bring me back on track, and in many ways, it did. But not in the way I expected.

Before I left, I was exhausted — flat, burnt out, pissed off. I’d been working my ass off at a hotel, thinking I finally hit a stride: great income, good work, finally getting somewhere. Then they sat me down and said I owed them more than $7,000 because they overpaid me.

Seven. Thousand. Dollars.

Grief hit like a wave. Then, right as I got sick, it felt like life took me out completely — forcing me to see, feel, and face everything I hadn’t been honest with myself about.

And honestly?
That was the real initiation.

Because I know how to transform.
I know how to rise from the ashes.
And so do you.

“I’m the Problem, It’s Me” — and That’s a Gift

If I can date a man for a year and he still has no clue who I am or what kind of energy work I do…
Then yes — that’s on me.

Not because I’m wrong.
Not because I’m small.
But because I wasn’t being clear.
I wasn’t speaking my truth out loud.
I was shrinking my medicine down so it would feel digestible.

And then, the last straw:
He suggested I “try mindful meditation.”

A teaching that makes me feel dead inside when it’s not aligned.

A teaching that flattens my spirit instead of awakening it.

That was my final wake-up call.

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The Rise

So yes:
I’m the problem, it’s me.

Not in a shameful way —
but in the most liberating way possible.

Because being the problem means I’m also the solution.
It means I get to choose differently.
I get to redirect my energy.
I get to walk my wild, ancient, powerful path without apologizing for how big it is.

And if you’re reading this —
if you’re in that same heavy moment —
remember:

You can transform.
You will rise.
You have the medicine in your blood and bones